Most of you know that I have long battled anxiety for a long time. It's been an uphill battle for far too long. And some days I just have to sit and wonder why. Why do I have to go through this? Why can't I just grow out of it like "they" say some people do? And I'm not one to throw a pity party for myself. In fact, if you ask my mom, she is the one to say that you'd never know if something was wrong because I show no signs that something is wrong.
This year has seemed to be particularly hard. It seems like it's been one thing after another. And with that has been added stress which then results in more anxiety. Its a vicious cycle, and I pray everyday that it would just end.
So, today on my lunch break I decided to read some blogs as I do every now and again to see what the family is up to and I came across Hilary Weeks' blog. If any of you have never been to Time Out For Women, I highly suggest you look up when the next one is nearest you, and GO! She was one of the speakers at both of the ones I have been to and I just admire her so much. She is a singer/songwriter and is just such an amazing person. So I started reading her blog. It was just what I needed to hear today.
She wrote about this goal she had about conquering what she calls the "killer hill." She explains that it's basically at a 90 degree angle, but she is determined to run the whole way up, no stopping or walking. So she stops for a moment to prepare to run up this hill, says a prayer for strength and then begins. She kept her head down the whole time. She didn't want to see how far she had to go to get to the top, she just wanted to see each step she took to get there and kept her goal in mind. She felt victorious as she reached the top. Then she said this:
1. If I am not willing to push to the top of a painful hill, then I don’t deserve the flat ground. I appreciate the 0% incline much, much more after experiencing the effort of the steep climb. (That is an analogy for life…)
2. I can do hard things. (And so can you.)
3. Prayer works.
4. When you are approaching something HARD – get your mind right. Stop. Pause. Focus. Tell yourself you can do it. And then go.
5. When you are focused on your dreams, it makes the effort worth it.
In another post, she talks about her husband's business going under due to the economy crashing. One day she was away from home at another Time Out For Women and she was feeling alone and scared. She got down on her knees and prayed. Her answer came. She said she grabbed a pen and paper and this is what she heard: “Be brave and trust a while longer and the benefits will be worth it.” She had no idea how long it would take, but she carried on and continued to trust in the Lord. Five years later they sold their business and are now on the road to recovery.
Both of these stories were just what I needed to hear. Sometimes when we are going through a hard time, and we just want it to be over, we have to remember to just keep watching our steps with our goal in mind and "be brave and trust a while longer and the benefits will be worth it." It will be victorious when we reach the top.
Heavenly Father knows and loves us so much. I know he does and I know he is aware of what we are going through. I know his plan is so much bigger than the one I have for myself. If not for trials we wouldn't learn valuable lessons and I can truly testify for that one. I have learned so much from them and I am letting them make me the person I want to be. I am so grateful for this gospel and for the hope that it gives me.
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